


Across the Universe

by coffee_queen



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bruce Wayne is a Good Bro, Bruce is afraid of Alfred, But not as afraid as he is of seeing Clark all broken, Clark Kent drinking alcohol, Clark Kent has a lot of buried rage, Clark Kent is bad at feelings, Clark and Kara taking care of each other, Earth-1 definitely has Batman, Gen, Jason Todd is also a good bro, Jason Todd is an asshole, Kara tries to fix things, M/M, post Arrow season 5 AU, post Supergirl season 2 AU, super cousins bonding, supergirl finale
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2018-12-09 00:08:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11657532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffee_queen/pseuds/coffee_queen
Summary: All Clark wanted to do after the battle in National City was to stay behind to make sure that Kara was okay; he wasn't prepared for it to change his entire world and expose pain he thought he'd buried long ago.





	1. Be the Shoulder That You're Leaning On

**Author's Note:**

> It has been a long time since I've had an idea this vivid and I couldn't not work on it in the end. I wanted to post the first part to put the idea out there and test the waters, but also to motivate me to actually finish writing it (I have broken the habit of a lifetime and planned it out, though)

“You know, I can’t wait to tell Barry about this.”

Clark turned his head towards Kara and smiled- this was the first time she had spoken about something other than everything that had gone wrong over the last few days. He had started to worry that she was getting too fixated on all of her pain, but he hadn’t wanted to push her- she wouldn’t respond to that anyway.

“I bet he’ll flip out.”

“That’s your fast friend, right?” Clark leaned his elbow on the back of the couch and rested his head in his hand. “From the other Earth? What do they call him again?”

“Flash.” Kara rolled her eyes and tutted. “That’s why he doesn’t like you, Clark.”

“He likes me just fine- he just likes you a whole lot better.” Clark grinned. “So are you going to call him?”

“I don’t know.” Kara picked at a hole in the blanket draped over her legs. “He has his own stuff going on. I don’t wanna bother him.” 

“If you need to talk to him, I’m sure he’ll be there. And you never know- he might need to talk to you, too.” Clark squeezed Kara’s shoulder. “Anyway, you could never be a bother to anyone, Kara.”

“You’re kind of a good guy, Clark.” Kara shifted across the couch and leaned against Clark. “Has anyone ever told you that?”

“Once or twice.” Clark wrapped his arms around Kara’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head. “I’ve gotta head home soon, but if you need anything…”

“You’ll come running, I know.” Kara squeezed Clark’s arm. 

“Do me a favour, though, Kara? Call Barry. Eat that other pint of ice-cream in the freezer. See a movie with Alex. Just…” Clark frowned and hesitated for a few seconds. “Don’t think that this sadness is all you have now.”

“You worry too much.”

“It’s my job to worry about you.”

“Dammit, Clark.” Kara threw the blanket to the side and sped off to her bedroom. She returned a second later with the communicator Cisco gave her and held it out towards Clark. “Happy?”

“Ecstatic.” Clark kissed Kara’s forehead. He wrapped his arms around her when she settled against him and hugged her for a few extra seconds. He would not stop worrying about her, but knowing that she would not be alone when he left was almost a good enough substitute for not always being able to be there for her.

Kara wrapped her arms around Clark and buried her head in Clark’s neck for a few seconds. She pulled back and started pushing Clark towards the door.

Clark rolled his eyes, but smiled as he sped out of Kara’s apartment. He stopped halfway down the hallway and turned back to wave at Kara, but her door was already closed. He shouldn’t worry- he believed that she would be fine, really, but she was still in pain and he would always doubt that he had done enough to lessen that. He shook his- Kara would laugh and tell him that it had never been his responsibility to make her pain go away, no matter how much he would argue. He started heading back down the hallway, but turned back when he realised that his glasses are sat on Kara’s coffee table- she was going to kill him for doubting, so soon, that she was going to be okay; he would just have to make it up to her later. He was already mumbling apologies when he rushed through Kara’s front door.

“Not intentional, I swear.” Clark held his hands up. He grabbed his glasses and promptly dropped them when his brain caught up and he realised who else was now standing in the room with Kara. “Oliver?”


	2. Ain't No Secrets Left For Me to Keep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets Clark to open up

Kara found Clark, half an hour later, perched on the edge of her apartment building’s roof, clutching a bottle. She heard him telling himself to calm down, time and time again, but none of the thousand responses running through her mind tumbled out of her mouth. She turned to go back inside- how could she hope to comfort anyone tonight?- but before she took a step inside, she turned around, marched across the roof and dropped down onto the ledge next to Clark. She watched Clark for another minute before speaking.

“You fly all the way to Russia for that?” Kara nodded to the bottle of vodka in Clark’s hand.

“I couldn’t even fly to the end of the block right now, Kara.” Clark went to take the top off the bottle, but decided against it. He dropped the bottle and it skittered behind him. He leaned forward to put his head in his hands.

“He’s gone home, if…” Kara bit on her lower lip and frowned- she wanted answers, but Clark was already so close to the edge and she did not want to be responsible for pushing him over. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before she spoke. “He says he’s never met you.”

"He won't have- there’s no Clark Kent on his Earth.”

“And this Earth?”

“Not sure there’s much of him left here either.”

“Clark…” Kara shook her head- she was never going to get Clark to talk, not like that. Maybe a change of pace. “Barry disappeared. Actually, he got pulled into the… You know, let’s just go with disappeared. They’re working on a way to get him back and I guess they’re passing the communicator around in case something big comes up. I think Ol… he’s disappointed that I didn’t need his help. He’s got his own problems right now and he looks like he really wants to distract himself by punching a lot of things. I guess…”

"Kara, can you just stop? Please.”

Kara reached to the floor and grabbed the bottle of vodka, which she held out towards Clark.

Clark laughed through the tears that were starting to form in his eyes as he took the bottle from Kara. He pulled the top off and took a swig.

“He was…”

“The reason Superman disappeared for a year and you hid out on the farm?” Kara crossed her fingers behind her back and tried to look like she wasn’t thinking about running in case she had just said the wrong thing. 

“I didn’t hi… Yeah.” Clark deflated and flicked at the neck of the bottle. He groaned when he heard the neck of the bottle fly off across the street. He stared at the jagged edges of the glass for several seconds. He flung the bottle behind him. He would pick up the pieces later. Oh, the irony. “He was the reason.”

“God, Clark, why have you never told me?”

“I didn’t think I’d see him standing in your apartment. I didn’t think I’d ever...” Clark closed his eyes and concentrated on breathing for a minute. He put his hands on the ledge on either side of him and turned his head towards Kara. “Don’t be offended- I haven’t even told Lois.”

“Clark.” Kara smacked Clark’s shoulder. She would be worried that she had hit him too hard, if she wasn’t busy being angry.

“Yeah.” Clark turned his head away again. “I have a bad habit of talking in my sleep sometimes and his name has come up more than once- she knows that much, but I’ve never been able to talk about the details. It’s not easy and that’s been enough for her so far.”

“Clark, you can’t just…” Kara pursed her lips. “Have you told anyone?”

“Ma.”

“Obviously.” Kara almost rolled her eyes- there isn’t a thing in this world that Martha Kent doesn’t know about her son.

“And Bruce.”

“Oh, Clark.” Kara sighed. “Why do you trust him so much?”

“Because he trusts me. And…” Clark looked at Kara through the corner of his eye. “He’s the reason that Superman came back after that year.”

“How?”

“You’re not gonna let it go until I tell you everything, are you?” Clark turned his head and gave Kara a fond smile.

“Have you met me?” Kara tilted her head to the side and smiled- she could definitely nice her way out of this.

“He was…” Clark thought for a minute. He tried speaking several times, but none of the words were good enough. “Oh, Kara- he was the world.” He didn’t know whether to smile or cry. “We were young. We thought we could do everything.”

“You kind of can.”

“Not like this.” Clark smiled to himself for a moment before he turned towards Kara. “Do you know what that kind of love is like? When it makes you feel more powerful than that yellow sun ever has?”

“Almost.”

"I didn’t mean to…”

“No.” Kara shook her head. She put a hand on Clark’s shoulder and tried to look determined- Clark wouldn’t notice the difference anyway. “We already covered my heartbreak tonight- it’s your turn now. Tell me the story, Clark.”

“We were…” Clark wrung his hands together. “There was never any doubt about him for me. Maybe I was too young to know the difference, but I was in love with him from the second I met him. Everything with us was just so easy.”

“Oliver Queen? Easy?”

“He’s not…” Clark shook his head. “Different lives, Kara.” He trailed his fingers over the stone on the ledge. “He was so mixed up in every part of my life from the start and I couldn’t imagine anything without him.”

"He left you?"

“He left everything. I knew his heartbeat better than I know my own, Kara, and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I kept looking. I scoured the globe, even after they told me he was gone, even after his family told me it was hopeless, even after the Fortress couldn’t find a sign. I didn’t stop looking until Ma told me… I was not in a good place, Kara. I couldn’t even be Clark Kent, never mind Superman. I ran and I hid and I tried to forget. I guess Bruce has some experience with burying your head in the sand so when he found me out there- because, of course, he’d look-, he told me to get my head out of my ass and go home. The world needed Superman and my world needed Clark Kent. My life was suddenly so different to how I imagined it was going to be, but I couldn’t hide away because of that. It took some time. It’s still taking some time, I guess. Ma was really supportive, though, and…”

“So you did hide out on the farm?” 

“For a small part of the time, yes, I did hide out on the farm.” Clark rolled his eyes. “I didn’t think I was ever going to get through it, Kara, but I did. At least, I thought I did, but seeing him again, even an alternate version, brought everything back.” He put his hands on the ledge on either side of him and let his head drop back. “I’m sorry to break it to you, today of all days, but I don’t think that kind of pain ever goes away.”

“Oh, Clark.” Kara shuffled over and wrapped her arms around Clark’s shoulders. “You know, it’s reassuring to know that Superman isn’t perfect.”

"Glad I could help.” Clark leaned in towards Kara. “I’m sorry that you’re out here consoling me tonight.”

"Maybe you should stick around for a while then- we can watch out for each other. Maybe eat that other pint of ice-cream.”

"It's a nice idea, Kara, but we both know I can’t stay forever.”

“Who said anything about forever?” Kara kissed Clark’s forehead. “Just stay for a little while.”

“Okay.” Clark settled against Kara and closed his eyes. “Just for a little while.”


	3. I Can Barely Stand Up, I Can Hardly Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark turns to Bruce for advice. And something to drink

Bruce jumped out of the Batmobile and froze when he saw Alfred waiting for him. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he spoke.

“Whatever I did, I’ll never do it again.”

“I doubt that very much, Master Wayne.” Alfred held his hand out for the cowl before Bruce had finished unfastening it. “As it happens, today, you are not the problem.”

“Oh, god.” Bruce’s shoulders slumped. “What did Jason blow up this time?”

“Master Jason is not the problem, either. In fact, all of your children have been surprisingly well behaved, today.”

“They’re up to something.” Bruce unfastened his caped. “We should find out what it is before I end up having to rebuild half the city. Again.”

“Indeed.” Alfred draped Bruce’s cape over one shoulder. “Perhaps you should leave that to me- Master Kent has come by for a visit; he is currently slumped over your computer desk.”

“Clark Kent?” Bruce raised an eyebrow. “Slumped?”

“I had to shoo Master Damian away when he wouldn’t stop gawking.” Alfred handed a pair of sweat pants and a towel to Bruce. 

“Right.” Bruce nodded as a thousand things he could say to Clark sped through his head. He reached over his shoulder to grab the first fastening on his suit. “How bad is he? Really?” He stopped and shook his head. “Never mind. If you’re warning me, it’s gotta be awful.” He would have to cross out half the word he had thought of to say. “Thanks for the heads up.”

“As ever.” Alfred raised a hand as he started walking towards the stairs. “Do let me know when it’s safe to return.”

“Thank you.” Bruce rushed through getting out of his suit and draped it over the railings. He pulled the sweat pants on and wrapped the towel around his shoulders. He took the steps two at a time, but hesitated at the top- he had seen Clark broken before and it was not an experience he had ever wanted to repeat. He rounded the corner and almost missed a step when he saw how small Clark looked. “Jesus.”

“Do I look that bad?”

“Damn super hearing.” Bruce crossed the remaining distance and leaned back against the computer desk. “And, yeah- you look like shit, Clark.” He reached out to put a hand on Clark’s arm, but stopped mid-air when he noticed the array of bottles on the desk. “You raid my wine cellar, Kent?”

“I’ll pay you back.” 

“You have any idea how much this costs?”

“I’m good for it.”

“On a reporter’s salary?”

“Fine.” Clark lifted his head from the desk long enough to glare at Bruce. “I’ll owe you one.”

“You’ll have to owe me at least eight.” Bruce watched Clark for another minute. “You wanna tell me what brought this on?”

“I told Kara about Oliver.”

“That’ll do it.” Bruce grabbed the nearest bottle and took a swig. “Why now?”

“Because she knows him. Not my him- him from the other Earth.”

“Jesus.” Bruce took another swig from the bottle he was holding. He didn’t know what else to say.

“Yeah.” Clark turned his head so that his cheek was resting on the desk. “I talked to Kara, cried and then drank your wine cellar. Sorry.”

"I’ll forgive you. This time.” Bruce smiled for a few seconds and grasped Clark’s shoulder. “You wanna talk about it?”

“Can’t I just drink more instead?”

“You’re pathetic.” Bruce pushed all bottles out of Clark’s reach. “You either talk to me or you talk to your mother.”

Clark groaned and scrubbed a hand over his face. He didn’t move out of his chair.

“Me it is, then.” Bruce’s lips started to quirk up. “Start talking.”

“Do you know how disturbing it is getting psychiatry from…”

“A man who spends his night’s dressed as a giant bat?” Bruce rolled his eyes. “I heard that speech from Dick yesterday and it all started because I wouldn’t let him stop for coffee at two in the morning.” He leaned in. “Stop stalling.”

“Ugh.” Clark leaned his head back and pressed his hands to his eyes for a few seconds. “I didn’t know if I’d ever recognise him. He’s older than… and rougher, but I knew him in an instant.” He shook his head and dropped his hands to his sides. “Before, I could just push it down- he was gone and no one knew- but now I know I have to deal with it and…” He turned his head to the side and stared at Bruce. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“You told Kara and look around-” Bruce waved his hand in front of him, “the world is still standing.”

“And maybe Lois will understand and maybe Diana will too and maybe Hal and maybe Perry and maybe Jimmy and maybe every single person I have ever met…”

“Has anyone ever told you that you’re a little dramatic?”

“… will understand why all of this is so hard, but that’s not the only problem anymore, Bruce.” Clark stared at the ground. “There is an Oliver Queen who has a life that I’m not a part of and it doesn’t matter that he’s from a different world- it feels like I got cheated. How am I supposed to do any of this?”

“I’ve got a tip for you.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Jason.” Bruce nearly jumped out of his skin when Jason popped up next to him. He put a hand to his chest and took a few deep breaths, while he glared at Jason.

“Swearing in front of your kids? Great parenting, Bruce.” Jason patted Bruce’s shoulder. He took a step forward and put a hand on Clark’s arm. He put on his brightest smile. “Man the fuck up, Kent.”

“Jason!”

“What?” Jason didn’t take his eyes off Clark. “You gonna ground me? Let me know how that works out.” He squeezed Clark’s arm. “You are a grown-ass adult, Clark- stop complaining about how hard things are and fucking deal with them.”

“Stop swearing.” Bruce pointed at Jason. He turned towards Clark after a couple of seconds. “He’s right, though- it’s only going to get worse if you don’t deal with it.”

Clark looked between Bruce and Jason for a minute.

“I don’t like it when you two agree.” Clark focussed on Jason. “How do you even know about this?”

“Your dead boyfriend? Yeah, I heard you guys talking about it years ago.”

“Jason.” Bruce pointed towards the door. “Out.”

“Yes, sir.” Jason skipped towards the exit as he shouted back over his shoulder, towards Clark. “Man up, Kent.”

“God.” Clark dropped his chin against his chest. “I hate him.” He squeezed his eyes shut. “Is he really right?”

“For once.” Bruce shook his head- he’d save his pride at Jason helping someone when he was done with the anger over the eavesdropping and swearing and scaring the life out of him. “I’m not suggesting that you’re that blunt, but, if you’re not gonna close the door to that Earth, you are gonna have to talk to him and you are gonna have to be honest with everybody else.”

“For real?”

“You are an actual child.” Bruce smacked Clark’s arm with the back of his hand and rolled his eyes. “Yes, for real.”

“Fine.” Clark huffed and folded his arm across his chest. He stayed quiet for a minute. “Can I finish drinking your wine cellar first?”

“Well, you already started- it’d be rude to leave a job half done.”


	4. Every Now and then I Fall Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark talks to Oliver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter before the Supergirl premiere aired so any similarities to how Kara is dealing with her pain is purely coincidental.
> 
> I wanted to post this chapter earlier, but it gave me all kinds of grief during the editing process and I wanted to really work on it.

Clark wished he’d gone back to Metropolis immediately following the events in National City. He’d still have been concerned about Kara and would probably have spent every spare minute on the phone with her, but his own life would have been so much easier. He should definitely not have tried to drink his way through Bruce’s wine cellar, in an attempt to cope either, not least of all because he’d gotten about three milliseconds of buzz off it, but also because he’d be paying Bruce back until Damian’s grandkids were in college. He didn’t think he could get better advice anywhere, though, although his mother would have been nicer about it than Bruce and might even have sworn at him less than Jason. In his defence, he had gone straight back to Metropolis after leaving the BatCave and proceeded to ignore everyone’s advice by not talking about any of the events to anyone. He was going to do it, though. He was absolutely going to do it. He just hadn’t gotten around to it yet- every time he tried, he hadn’t known where to start so he just hadn’t started. Instead, he had actively tried to distract himself by engaging in as many heroics as he could find, which was where he found himself now.

“We will rule this city.”

“For the last time,” Clark knocked a gloved hand away, “not on my watch.” He threw the robot soldier across the roof and spun around to knock another one off the building before it could make contact with him. He noticed some activity on the top of the opposite building and flew across in time to put his fist through another control panel before they could activate it. He moved to jump across to the group on the next roof, but stopped when he saw the arrow fly past his head. He clenched his fists and looked up to the sky in the direction he heard Kara’s heartbeat disappearing. “Kara, I’m gonna kill you.”

“You need to talk to him.”

“That is not your decision to make!” Clark banged his hand on his thigh. He glanced back over his shoulder and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that Oliver was wearing his mask and hood- he wasn’t ready to see him face to face. He turned around, but didn’t take a step forward. “Look, Mr. Queen, I appreciate how far you’ve come to be here, but I don’t need your help.”

“Behind you.”

Clark raised his arm and knocked out the approaching robot, without turning his head. He folded his arms across his chest and looked at Oliver.

“As you can see, I am very capable of…”

“What was he like?”

Clark thought he knew what time standing still looked like the first time that he outran a car, but that was nothing compared to the utter focus he felt in that single second. He didn’t know how long he was stood there for before he had regained the ability to speak.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Kara told me that it was about this Earth’s Oliver Queen.” Oliver fired an explosive arrow to a group of robots to the side without moving. “Even if she hadn’t, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. I can put those pieces together.”

Clark gritted his teeth.

“That is a very complicated story and I am more than occupied at the moment so why don’t you have Kara take you back home? I’m sure we can find some other time to talk.”

“Kara’s not coming back any time soon. Let me help you.”

“I don’t need help.” Clark knelt down on the floor and prepared to launch into flight. “I’m Superman.”

\--

Clark landed in the DEO and ignored the gasps (he would say “hi” to Winn later) and made a beeline for J’onn, who did not look surprised to see him.

“Mr Kent, what…”

“Save it, J’onn- where is she?”

“Clark,” Kara peeked her head over Alex’s shoulder, “you needed to talk to him and…”

“That was not your decision to make, Kara!” Clark didn’t believe that any of the agents would open fire on him, but the unclicking of safeties was unsettling nevertheless. 

“Clark, I know that it’s hard, but that doesn’t matter- you have to talk…”

“You sound like Jason.”

“Jason?” Kara stood up and stepped out from behind Alex, who muttered something about Kryptonian temper tantrums. “Jason Todd? Clark.” She shook her head. “When a psychopath like that…”

“He is not a psychopath.”

“He tried to kill me.”

“Jason’s tried to kill a lot of people.”

“Well, that makes it okay!”

“That’s… No.” Clark pointed at Kara. “Stop trying to change the subject. You can’t just dump someone on me like that, Kara- I was not ready for those feelings, but of course you don’t care about that because you’ve got an unfathomable need to fix everything!”

“Clark, I was doing this for you. I just want…”

“Enough.” J’onn stopped forward and held his hands out, to push Clark and Kara apart, if he had to. “Before you two tear this goddam building apart, Miss Danvers, perhaps it is time for you to head home and Mr Kent, Mr Queen is waiting in the training room to have a long overdue conversation.”

Clark’s jaw dropped and he turned to face J’onn.

“You knew?”

“I am a telepath and the head of a secret government organisation, Clark, do you really think you have any secrets that I can’t uncover?”

"You never said anything?"

“It wasn’t my story to tell.”

“Thank you.” Clark nodded. He turned his head towards Kara, but he couldn’t form an entire thought about how he was feeling towards her, let alone voice it, so he settled for shaking his head instead. He knew that people were diving out of the way as he stormed towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“To talk to him. Isn’t that what you all wanted?”

\--

“You look different.”

“What?” Clark’s eyes darted around the room, concentrating on anything but the man sat at the far end of the table. “You don’t recognise me without the cape?”

"For the record, I think your hair was a bigger disguise.”

Clark laughed before he could stop himself. He clamped a hand over his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. He turned towards Oliver, but still couldn’t look directly at him, fixing his gaze on a point on the wall behind him instead. 

“Why are you here?”

“Because I’ve been told that we need to have a conversation.”

“And you travelled across worlds for that? Why does it matter to you?”

“It doesn’t.”

Clark’s head snapped towards Oliver. His mouth dropped open and he scowled at Oliver.

“Then why would you put me through this?”

“Because it’s important to Kara and Kara is a nice person and, when nice people ask you to do things, you do them, no matter what.”

Clark deflated. He dropped into the nearest seat and hung his head.

“I thought she told you. If I’d known I’d be surprising you like that, I’d have stayed away.” 

“Thank you.” Clark cleared his throat, but could still feel a rasp. He stared down at his hands for a minute before he glanced up at Oliver through his eyelashes. “I hate you.”

“You don’t know me.”

“But I knew him and you are everything that he could be right now, but he’s just gone and it’s not fair.” Clark banged a fist on the table- he’d smooth it out later, if J’onn ever let him back in the building. “It’s not fair!” He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, but they didn’t stop the tears from welling. “He was a good person, he did nothing wrong and I loved him more than I ever thought was possible, but he’s gone and you waltz in here wearing his face?” He slumped forward and took several shallow breaths. “I know that he’s gone, that he’s been gone since I stopped being able to hear his heartbeat, but knowing that doesn’t change anything. We don’t get the future we had planned. He didn’t get to see what I’ve done with my life. He doesn’t know Kara. He doesn’t… None of that will ever stop tearing my heart into pieces and now I have to think about it every single day.” He looked up to find Oliver stood in front of him. He wanted to pull back, but found that he didn’t have the willpower. “Why you? Why do you get a life and he doesn’t?”

"My life hasn’t been all that easy, you know.”

“But you had the chance. He didn’t.” Clark leaned back in his chair. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. I think that Kara thinks, if I talk to you, I’ll be saying all the things I never got to say to him, but what’s the point? He’s never gonna hear it. How is this supposed to help” He put his head in his hands. “I’m supposed to talk, fine, but why you?” He looked at Oliver again. “You’re what? Facing my demons? Like this is gonna make me move on?”

“Maybe if you say this to me, it’ll be easier to say to the people that really matter.”

“The thought of telling anyone else doesn’t hurt any less than it did ten minutes ago.” Clark took a few deep breaths before he opened his eyes again and turned towards Oliver. “It’s part of my past and it has to stay that way because I don’t have the luxury of falling apart.”

“That doesn’t sound like a very healthy way of life. Would he…”

“Don’t you dare!” Clark stood up and the chair flew out behind him and hit the wall. Alarms blared and, somewhere, J’onn was adding a few more dollars to Clark’s bill for destruction of property. “You didn’t know him!” He stepped forward. “You don’t get to finish that sentence!”

“Okay.” Oliver held his hands up, but didn’t step back. “What about all your other friends? What about Kara? She worships the sky you fly in. Do you think she would feel any differently about you, if she knew your pain?” He watched Clark for a minute. “You don’t have to be perfect to be a hero. No one is going to think any worse of you, if they know that you’re hurting. You…”

“Stop.” Clark whipped his head around and leaned in. “This is nothing to do with you so do me a favour- go home and stay out of things that you don’t understand.”


	5. I've Got a Voice and I've Made My Choice Between Heartbreak and Revival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clark came to Earth-1 to talk to Oliver and it turned out to be more helpful than either of them imagined

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In between getting a cold and these two getting a lot more frustrating than I thought, this chapter is a lot more delayed than I wanted it to be. I'm sorry and I hope that future chapters are a bit more frequent

For once, Oliver was glad for the crime in Star City. He was grateful for the chance to head out at night and fight. He could keep going until his fingers bled or he could no longer draw the string of his bow, but something was still holding him back. Still, the thought was there because, for all the good in his life- he would never be more thankful for anything than he was for his son-, there was an equal amount of upheaval and pain. He was only just keeping it together. In fact, he wasn’t sure he was even doing that, but he was still alive, still moving forward, and that had to count for something. He craved as much distraction as he could wrap his hands around the throat of because he was not sure if he was capable of handling the alternative. 

So here Oliver was, returning to the lair at too late a time of night- or too early a time of morning, depending on which of his friends you asked- with just enough strength left to keep himself upright. He exited the lift, mouth half open to offer an apology to Felicity for keeping her out so late, again, but he froze when he noticed another person hunched over the monitors with Felicity.

“Oliver, is there a Bruce Wayne on this Earth?”

“Oliver’s not…”

“Yeah.” Oliver breathed a sigh of relief when his exhausted brain had finally registered Clark’s form. “Do you really think his ego would let a world exist without him?”

“Oliver!” Felicity smacked Oliver’s arm when he came within reach. “You have got to stop sneaking up on people like that.”

“Sorry.” Oliver squeezed Felicity’s shoulder and smiled at her before he turned towards Clark. He looked Clark up and down, but the haze at the edges of his mind was making it difficult to focus so it took him a few more seconds to work out what to say. “We’ve dealt with Wayne Enterprises a couple of times over the years. Why?”

“Did he lose his parents here?”

“Shot in front of him when he was a child.” Oliver folded his arms across his chest and raised an eyebrow- Clark might not know him very well, but he still thought that a raised eyebrow was a universal symbol for ‘Tell me what the hell is going on.’

“You should head to Gotham one night- I think you’ll find someone who can help you out.”

Oliver opened his mouth to ask Felicity to dig into what that meant, but her fingers were already tapping on the keyboard so he returned his attention to Clark.

“Hi.” Clark bit on his lower lip. “I wanted to come and….”

“Warn me about whatever Bruce…”

“Holy shit!”

Oliver’s head snapped towards Felicity. He opened his mouth to ask about her outburst, but the screen caught his attention before he had the chance to say a word. He leaned forward and read through the first few paragraphs of the article, his eyes widening with every word. He glanced back over his shoulder.

“Bruce Wayne is Batman?”

“Oliver Queen is the Green Arrow?”

Oliver snorted. He skimmed over a few more lines of the article before stepping back and looking at Clark. 

“So… What? You’re concerned that I don’t have enough allies?”

“No, I came here to apologise.”

Oliver studied Clark for a minute. He didn’t take his eyes off Clark when he spoke to Felicity.

“Felicity, you can finish that research from home, right?”

“Actually, the pro…. Or,” Felicity tore her gaze away from the screen and noticed the serious look on Oliver’s face, “I could go.” She rushed around, grabbing everything she needed for the night. She stopped at the lift door and turned back towards Oliver. “You know, if this is about your Earth-38 doppelganger, I think I…”

“Go.” Oliver pointed towards the door.

Felicity held her hands up and shuffled onto the lift.

“You were gonna marry her?” Clark’s eyes snapped towards Oliver when the lift doors banged shut. “What went wrong?”

Oliver just stared at Clark.

“You’re right,” Clark held his hands up, “-none of my business.” He smiled for a second, but then his face fell. He opened his mouth three times before any words came out. “First of all, I want to say thank you for your help in the fight the other day.”

“Help you didn’t need, you mean?” Oliver tried to stop the smirk spreading across his face, but he couldn’t quite manage it.

“When someone helps, you say thank you- Mom will not be happy that I forgot that.” Clark smiled for a second. “You came all that way to help me, when you didn’t have to, and I should have thought about that, not my own issues.”

“I told you…”

“It was because Kara is a good person, I remember, but I think what you did makes you a pretty good person, too, and…”

“What?” Oliver was jolted out of his fixation on Clark’s face. “That sentence is too ridiculous to finish?”

“No.” Clark pointed towards the lift. “She’s still listening. I just heard her scoff.”

“Felicity!” Oliver touched the comms in his ear. “Go home! Now!” He turned back towards Clark and waited for confirmation.

Clark nodded a few seconds later. He opened his mouth to continue what he had been saying, but Oliver cut him off.

“This is a hell of a long way to come to pay me unnecessary compliments, Clark, so if that’s all you wanted, you might have wasted a trip.” Oliver turned and walked across to the conference table. He wanted to sit down, but there was every chance he wouldn’t be able to get back up again, but his brain was out of sync and he had dropped into one of the seats before he had realised that he had moved.

“Well, I thought if I started with a compliment, you might be willing to listen to everything else I have to say.”

“With an attitude like that, maybe you should be the one in politics.”

“I am in journalism.” Clark sat in the seat opposite Oliver. “Isn’t that kind of the same thing?”

Oliver smiled despite himself and shook his head. 

“Clark, really, you don’t have to be here. I didn’t take any of it personally and…”

“It’s not about you, though- it’s about me and I don’t want to be the kind of person who behaves like that.”

Oliver leaned his elbow on the arm of the chair and put his head in his hand. He had to squint to keep his eyes from drifting all the way shut, but he still couldn’t miss the certainty of Clark’s convictions.

“Do you ever get tired? Of trying to be that perfect all the time?”

“I’m Superman.” Clark shrugged.

“That’s not really an answer.”

Clark sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face.

“It’s exhausting.”

Oliver watched Clark slump down in his chair and felt the last of his resolve fade away. He hadn’t meant to get this deep into Clark’s problems, but the fatigue in his bones had stopped him from being able back off even when his brain was screaming at him to turn away, to just not get involved and collapse in bed.

"Then why do you do it?"

“Because I need to.” Clark let his hands drop to his sides and leaned back in the chair. “I put on that cape to give people hope. If I fail, then…”

“Being good doesn’t mean being perfect.”

“I know.” Clark stared at the ceiling. “I know that, I really do, but it’s not so easy to put into practice. When he…” He cleared his throat and looked back at Oliver. “When I lost him, I couldn’t do anything anymore. Even after I started to heal, I didn’t think that I could have my pain and save the world so I picked saving the world.”

“Noble. Stupid.”

“Yeah.” Clark snorted. “I stopped talking about it, not because I was ashamed of him or anything we’d been, but because it hurt so much. I thought if I pushed it away, then I could just get on with things, put the cape back on and save the world again.”

“From what Kara says, you had a good run with that.”

“Yeah.” Clark nodded. “And then there you were.” He lifted his head and looked into Oliver’s eyes. “Have you ever ruined anyone’s life before?”

"More than a few.”

“Sorry.” Clark hung his head. “That was unfair and harsh and I don’t want to be the kind of person who says those things either.”

“Jesus.” Oliver ran a hand down his face. He looked at Clark and couldn’t stop himself from smiling. He leaned back in his chair and tilted his head to the side. “Were you ever a Boy Scout by any chance?”

“Not officially- Dad always thought it was cheating.”

Oliver laughed again. He put a hand over his mouth and closed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down and opened his eyes again.

“I’m sorry, but you’re just so goddamn nice, Clark. Has anyone ever told you that?”

“Once or twice.”

Oliver’s next response was interrupted by the buzzing of his phone. He checked the display and tossed it down the other end of the table.

“Is that important?”

“Nothing that can’t wait.”

“I can’t interrupt… And it’s getting late so I…”

“Clark.” Oliver reached over and put a hand on Clark’s arm to stop him from moving- there’s no turning back from this conversation now. “Finish the story.”

“Yeah.” Clark settled back into the chair and stayed quiet for a minute. “You made me realise that not talking about him, pushing all that pain down, was doing myself a massive disservice- I can do this, no matter how much pain I am in and people will still be there to catch me when I fall. The worst part, though, is what I was doing to him.” He lowered his gaze and wrung his hands together. “I think he’d understand why, but I think he would be so mad at me for closing myself away. He shaped so much of who I am and it’s not fair to pretend that that isn’t true just because the ending was painful- I owe him better than that.” He took a few deep breaths and lifted his head. He did his best to smile. “So thank you for ruining my life, Oliver Queen, and thank you for making me see how much I was doing that to myself and thank you for showing me how to start making it better.” He hesitated for a few seconds. “Saying it to you did help. You don’t know me. You are a complete stranger and you just listened. I don’t know if you know how much that helped.”

Oliver wanted to say that it was no problem, but the lump in his throat was stopping him from speaking. He definitely needed to sleep if he was almost crying this easily. He took a few deep breaths and reached across the table to squeeze Clark’s arm. He pushed himself back in the chair.

“Does this mean you’re going to start talking about him?”

“This means I am going to stop denying my past. Talking about him will come later.” Clark shrugged. “Baby steps.”

“Well, if you need any…” Oliver squeezed his eyes shut. He couldn’t very well take that back now that he had started. Maybe he could pretend that he was going to say something else. Oh, fuck it- he had given up all hope of staying out of this situation when he sat down to listen to Clark. “If you ever need any help, with anything, that comms device doesn’t have to just be for Kara- Earth-1 is here for you, Clark Kent.”


End file.
